Each day I wake up and whether my dreams have been invaded by panic or fear is the first feeling that grips me when my eyes open, I have a choice to make immediately;
1. I can let fear take control. I can trust my faltering feelings and let them become my master. A master who will lead me down dark and scary paths. One who offers no hope or bereavement. A path that seems unending, filled with a chatter of voices that don’t make sense and a cloud of fog I can’t see past. A frightening path with no reward.
2. I can try to take control of my thoughts myself. I can fill my mind with “good” things. I can place my trust in the frailty of people. I can place my hope in material possessions. I can put my faith in the temporal shakey structures and systems this world has to offer.
OR
3. I can place my trust in what is unseen. I can step into the net of Grace and let God know I can’t do this on my own; not in my own strength. I can recognize my need for a savior and realize I get to plant my feet on steady ground, on the rock that is sure and unshakable. I can grow each day in knowledge and truth of things too vast to understand with my human mind and experience the reality of peace that passes understanding.
After all these years, I still choose. Some days the choice is almost instinctual. I don’t even realize it. I awake and my heart and mind are fixed on things above. But there are other days. Days where the events in my little world or this broken world as a whole leave me bouncing around in my choices.
But regardless of my choice, when I get quiet, when I bring myself into the stillness of the Throne Room; Still, He is there. The sweet scent of His presence lingers and I’m closer to Him now than ever before. There’s no prize for choosing wisely and no disgrace for avoiding this moment with Him. His faithfulness covers all and I rest fully in the loving arms that never let me go, no matter where my thoughts roamed.
He is Good.
He is Constant.
He is Sovereign.
God is still God. Unchanged. Not surprised. Not rattled by whatever I lay at His feet.
And so I choose Him once again because he first chose me. And I learn to boast all the more in my weakness because it’s there, in that space, His power is made perfect.
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2 Corinthians 12:9, Psalm 56:3, John 16:33
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P.S. I also take a natural supplement for anxiety that helps my brain stop the spinning so I can think logically and choose my thoughts wisely. I believe I found that supplement as an answer to prayer 7 years ago and it still helps 💕